By this message I hereby officially end updating my blog. My father passed away this morning from a pulmonary embolism. I’ll never forget this image of my father in the reanimation room, only machines keeping him alive, his heart already stopped beating. You could still see the tearmarks beneath his eyes. He was a man with much faults but he was haunted by the same demons I am now. He let himself die, slowly, in his bedroom, barely going out, gaining weight, drinking, refusing to take any medicine and just wishing to die to put an end to his suffering. And it has been clear to me today that I don’t want to become like my father. I don’t want to be alone, shutting myself off from the outside world. I need help. That’s why I’m entering a specialized clinic in helping me deal with my various problems.
What I fear most is the funeral because I know almost nobody will be there. So if any one of my 11598 followers, just one, could think of this lonely person trapped inside his room and how he surrended at the end to hiis own inner demons and all the other lonely people who passed away now or are considering putting an end to their life, it would help me a lot. To know my father’s existence was acknowledged. That his life didn’t only consist of drinking, wishing to die and being constantly humilated by others. It would mean he was human.
Thanks for this wonderful time. Thanks Junior, Paulo, Lydia and yayoi-fujoshi for always trying to support and encourage me. But I have to walk the rest of the road alone.